not in a good place

It has been six weeks since I last blogged. The reason - I have slide way back. I have had almost not controll over my eating. I am really out of hand - my life is unmanagable. I need to do some deep looking and thinking about how to gain controll again. I do know that it will not happen if I do not turn to my Heavenly Father.

Unhealthy eating belongs in the toilet!

The anniversary of my late husband (Searls) death was yesterday. It was a hard day. I ate out three times, because I didn't want to be home.

Then today I ate fritos and cottage cheese for breakfast and M&M's for snack. I realized that I was feeding my addiction and sharing that with Addi (feeding her M&M's also). So I decided to throw the M&M's in the toilet. Where all my unhealthy eating should go!

My weight

In April I weighed 226 pounds. That is the heaviest I have been. For the last few months I have been wondering where I am at now. I decided today was a perfect time to weigh myself (since I was at the doctors office with Raeleigh). Today I weighed 218 pounds. So I have lost 8 pounds in the last 5 months. That is great, wonderful, happy news. I am excited!

I did good!

Today my mother-in-law took me to lunch. I only ate half of my yummy salad. This was a huge salad. I am so happy that I didn't overstuff my self!

Struggling

Last night Morgan made chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting. It was yummy. I had one piece of cake with the family and one more before going to bed. Not good for my body or mind. Today I really want to eat more cake. It is a good thing there isn't anything left!

The good think I did today was walking two of my kids to school. There and back is 3.5 miles. I felt good to be walking. Tomorrow I will bring a towel to wipe the sweat away!

I am huge!

This picture was taken on July 25.

When I looked at the picture, the first thought I had was "Wow, I am huge." I deleted the other pictures that were taken. But I felt that I needed to keep at least one of these shots, as a record of how big I am. It is sad to see how my food addiction has affected my body. I weigh 226lbs. That is 101 pounds more than what I was before my first baby. I have a lot of work ahead of me.

A helpful site for any addict

I was told about the site www.ldsar.org

I have really looked at the site and found it to be helpful for me. This site covers all types of addictions with blogs from others also struggling and offering hope to others. So if you are also looking for more help, check the above site out!